How did I get HERE?

We’re all wandering souls.  But we seldom take the time to wonder how we got HERE.  I don’t mean the origin of life.  I mean HERE. This moment. Right now.  We’re just too crushed by the daily grind or too busy dreaming about our next oasis.  But today, I find myself engrossed in the question, “How did I get HERE?”

HERE:  Monday morning, May 13.   Jobless!

Today started like most Mondays.  I woke with no alarm. Made coffee.  Jumped in the shower. But today was different.  The bathroom was brighter than normal – from the sun.  That’s weird. I typically shower with the lights off.  There’s plenty of ambient neighborhood light streaming through the bathroom window for me to see – even in the middle of the night.

Usually I wake before the birds and start work in the dark.  Sometimes by 4:30 or 5:00 – all without an alarm. Guess that makes me a morning person… or someone too stressed to sleep.  My wife would say both.

HERE:  7:30 wake up.

Is 7:30 my new 4:30?  Could HERE be getting enough sleep?  Could HERE be less worry about the work waiting to bury me?  Is God paving a path to reduced stress and better health? I believe so.  My wife prays so. Still, I’m HERE… jobless.

HERE:  Starting in the light.

After dressing, I stroll to my desk… which is just down the hall from my bedroom.  Like most days, before sitting down I open a few blinds. I normally look out at the darkness.  Peer closely at the horizon. Strain to catch the first rays of light. I usually have to make several trips to the windows before the sun arrives.  Once it does, I shuffle from window to window to get the best view between the peaks and valleys of roofs and trees.

I love sunrises.  I view them as God’s handiwork and thank him for them.   I probably see more beautiful sunrises than sunsets. But I’m late today.  I missed the sunrise. I didn’t start in the darkness. I started in the light.  Wow! Is that one figurative or what?! If you don’t catch that, pause, and think about it a few minutes.

HERE:  At my computer.

I open a couple of windows so I can enjoy the cool breeze and hear the birds chirping.  I mimic Mr. Rogers and slip on my inside shoes. Yes, I really do wear inside shoes during my work day.  I like having them on and keeping them as inside shoes keeps my wife – and the carpets – happy.

After a few minutes, I go down to pour my first cup of coffee and bring it back upstairs.  It is drizzling now, so I close the windows. The fresh air didn’t last long today. I sit in front of my computer.  To do what? This is crazy. Jobless. How did I get HERE? Of course, the complete path to HERE would take way too long for me to write.  So today I’m going to write about a couple of key career decisions and how God blazed the trail to bring me HERE.

HERE:  An OSU graduate.

After college, I spent a year doing volunteer work in New York City and the Philippines.  One thing that really struck me in New York City was a new nickname I picked up. At first, I thought someone was making fun of me from a TV persona.  But later found out that he called me “Mr. Bill” because he thought I only cared about money, “dollar bills.” How could that be? I was broke. I was hungry.  I was volunteering. What did he see in me that I didn’t yet see in myself? (God would have to work for many years to cut this out of my life.)

That time volunteering changed me, opened my eyes, and showed me that I wanted to pursue graduate studies.  I applied to graduate schools. I got accepted multiple places. I turned down an out of state offer. I received and accepted a fellowship to Ohio State.  Sadly, I viewed Ohio State as my backup, just settling. During dinner a few days later, I received a phone call from “someplace else” that I really wanted to attend.  They asked me if I still wanted to come. I said, yes. But they were too late. I had already accepted the offer from Ohio State.

I know now that God was working in that timing to bring me to my wife.  A few days either way and I wouldn’t be a Buckeye. I wouldn’t be in Columbus.  She was in Columbus. We met. We married. (Great story HERE.) My wife moved around a lot as a child, so I wanted to avoid moving much after I graduated.  That decision would limit job choices throughout my career.

She’s always been worth it.

HERE:  10 years at Company1.

My wife likes to say that I never had to search for a “real” job.  There’s some truth in that. God has often brought opportunities – big and small – along my path for me to pick up and use or for him to mold and prune me.

After my OSU fellowship ended, I shifted to being a graduate student teacher at OSU.  One summer term, we were told that we should look for jobs in industry. I mentioned this in passing to a friend at church.  To cut to the chase, he hired me for the summer – and I stayed 10 years. Oddly, it turns out, I was in a group of students that still had summer positions at OSU waiting for us.  But I told them I’d rather take the job for industry experience.

Company1 was great for me.  It was a not-for-profit, with a collegial environment.  I spent most of my time in research. Right in my comfort zone.  God made this happen. I didn’t need the summer job; I needed the job for after I graduated.  God took me to a place close to home that I really enjoyed. It was an unexpected answer to prayer about jobs and not moving.

HERE:  10 years at Company2.

After a while it became clear to me that it was time to move on from Company1.  But I really struggled with finding a job in Columbus, that I would like as much, so we wouldn’t have to move.  There were kids involved now, not just my wife.

I vividly recall getting very frustrated and praying earnestly to God on my drive to work one day.  I adamantly told him that he would have to find the local job for me. I was failing to find one and getting overwhelmed by the situation.    

Funny thing about prayer, it works.  Or, really, God works through it. Sometimes wildly.  Sometimes quietly. Sometimes inexplicably. Sometimes we feel like it doesn’t work.  Sometimes we don’t see it work. I’m a witness to the fact that on that day years ago, I had an immediate answer to prayer.

The day I cried out to God in utter desperation, he answered.  That VERY day, a colleague told me he was leaving and going to another company.  He did not recruit me. But, within a couple of weeks, I was at the other company.  My colleague’s going opened the door for me. I don’t think it’s appropriate to write all the details here, but let me just note that I have no doubt that this was an answer to prayer.  God hacked a trail through the wilderness for me.

This was not an accident or a quick miracle.  Over my life, I have often prayed – sometimes daily:

Prepare me for my job, and my job for me.  

Prepare me for my next job, and my next job for me.

Yes, I really do pray like that.  I don’t think preparedness is a one-time thing.  I think it’s ongoing and critical to being effective in the kingdom and a servant to others.  I don’t think it is just about the next big thing. I think it is about each moment in each day in each job.  Sure, I prayed a bazillion times before about my jobs, and I’ve prayed a bazillion times since then about my jobs.  But, my cry of honesty was answered on that very day. Go figure.

Lots, and I do mean lots, of things happened in my 10 years of working at Company2.  God molded me – many times painfully – into something better. It is here that he began to truly dismantle “Mr. Bill.”   An objective observer would say my career had many highs and lows. And, that from mid-way through my time at this Company2 until now that it has been mostly downhill.  From a worldly perspective, I would agree with them. But I saw then – and see even better now – that God was working in, through, and despite those ups and downs to get to know me and to help me know him.   

He’s the perfect lover.  He never oversteps his bounds.  He will only truly get to know me as I allow him to.  You see, we’re not part of his kingdom just to serve, we’re part of his kingdom because he wants us there.  He wants to know each of us individually. Recall what the Bible says about the final judgement…

Jesus will say to some, “Get away from me, I knew you not.”  This is right after those same people rightly claim that they performed greater signs and wonders than I will probably ever do.  From the outside, they looked spiritually successful. Sadly, they didn’t really know Jesus. They just used Jesus. And, worse, they never really let Jesus know them.  I want Jesus to know me, and I want to know Jesus.

HERE:  Company3. An acquisition causality.  

Towards the end of my 10 years at Company2, it was clear I needed a change.  But, like before, I wanted to stay in Columbus. I was praying that God would help me, once again, find the next job.  Instead of finding a new job, my company got acquired. I’m not going to claim that being acquired happened just because I prayed.  I don’t believe that. But I do find the timing interesting. I can see God’s hand in it. This acquisition stirred things up and created several new roles for me, all without me moving or changing companies.  So, again, I see answered prayers.

Being in an acquired company can be a huge shock.  I don’t think it is appropriate to explain all the things I got asked to do and why.  I will note that after I helped with the acquisition process, I basically worked myself out of a job.  Three years in, I received my “pink slip.” I was given time to try to find another role within the company, but given my desire to not move, I didn’t really find one.  Like before, I had been praying for years that God would:

Prepare me for my job, and my job for me.  

Prepare me for my next job, and my next job for me.

Still, no new job on the horizon.  Why no answer to prayer? Why no simple path to take?  I had my “going away” lunch. I cleared out my office.

HERE:  Thursday night before my last day.

It was 8PM Thursday night.  The phone rang at home. It was someone from Company3 offering me a job.  It was a job I had seen posted, but for which I had not applied or interviewed.  It is inappropriate to write the tangled web of people involved and how I saw God work.  Some things cannot be shared publicly. But, let me just say that I fully believe that this was God intervening… and answering that simple prayer:

Prepare me for my job, and my job for me.  

Prepare me for my next job, and my next job for me.

HERE:  Starting a new job, still at Company3.

My new job at Company3 was in a consulting role.  Funny, I had often said I wanted to be a consultant, after doing my “other” jobs.  And, here I was, a consultant. Coincidence? I think not. Just an example of God knowing Keith.

HERE:  At home with my wife.

I had joined a global team that mostly worked out of their homes.  During this time, our company began pushing employees back into their offices, away from working from home.  Being consultants, our team was allowed to do either. I chose to stay in the office.

Five years ago, I was asked if I’d work from home while some summer interns shared my personal office.  That was back when the office was packed. Lots of people. Not enough space for everyone. So, I packed my things and came home.  

I wasn’t looking forward to working from home.  I was wired to think working meant being in an office, being around people.  I figured I’d go back into the office after the summer interns left. But I never went back.  

My wife has always invested her time and energy in our sons.  As our youngest son neared the end of high school, my wife began to dread the empty nest.  In truth, I think she actually started dreading that back when our sons were in elementary school.  But it was clear that she was beginning to acutely experience the empty nest as my youngest son approached his senior year in high school.

When did I get moved home?  Right before my youngest son’s senior year in high school.  See that? God worked me into a consulting role in a large company.  Further, at the same time others were being pushed into the office, I was being pushed home – at the same time my wife needed me at home.  I believe that God was honoring, those many years of prayer, God please:

Prepare me for my job, and my job for me.  

Prepare me for my next job, and my next job for me.

Part of my job was to “be” home with my wife.  What an honor and privilege. Few people get to work and “be” like that at the same time.  I’m not saying it was all easy. It wasn’t. The work was challenging. The emotional interaction of “being” in my wife’s nest wasn’t the same as being a big dog at work.  But, through it all, God has drawn us closer.

HERE:  Stressed!

I was in my consulting role with Company3 for about 6 years.  While my management team created great space for me to work on some really cool things, I became increasingly unsettled.  I found myself praying that same old prayer, but slightly different. God please:

Prepare me for my job, and my job for me.  

Prepare me for my next endeavor, and my next endeavor for me.

That’s right.  God had slowly shifted my view away from jobs towards endeavors.  An endeavor might be a job, volunteering, career related, direct kingdom building, serving, or a time of refreshment.  I prayed this for years. Nothing. Or, so I thought. I realize now that God was answering my prayer. He was opening my mind to possibilities.  He was planting ideas about him, his values, his perspective. He was cultivating a desire and interest to take time to write and share. He was growing faith in the power of the Word.  

I’m not sure where all of that is going, I’m not a writer.  I’m a computer science guy. So, if things head that way, it’d be rather strange.  Anyway, back to my job state of mind…

HERE:  Angry!

I was having a hard time at work.  People could see it. They were even getting hurt by my anger.  I prayed. I tried harder. Total frustration. This went on for months.  This didn’t feel like serving. This didn’t feel like being a witness. This didn’t feel like being Christ-like.  This felt like being a total failure. I can’t share all the things that happened during this time. It’s just not appropriate.  But, about three weeks ago, me and God had a real heart to heart…

God: If your right eye causes you to sin, cut it out.  If your job causes you to sin, cut it out.

Keith: Are you serious?

God: Yes.

Hard to argue with that - unless you feel that money, jobs, and worldly views are more important than your relationship with God.  I had a choice to make.

HERE:  I quit.

My dad retired young, long before it was cool.  With my dad as a role model, my wife and I have been planning and saving for an early retirement long before the FIRE craze.  We hadn’t set an exact date or course of action for that retirement yet. But HERE we are.

May 10, 2019 was my last day at work.  Turns out, it was also my son’s last day of work at his first big job.  I like that we have that in common.

HERE:  Teaching?

The day after my resignation was official – while I still had several days to work – I received an email about a possible teaching engagement.  I’m not trying to rush into my next job. I don’t know if this teaching role is an appropriate next step. But I do find it INSANELY interesting that this opportunity showed up in my Inbox right when I needed it most.

I mean, not that I need the job in the traditional sense.  I needed that email in an emotional sense. I needed to know I was still wanted.  That I could still find another job. Funny, I have often said that I’d like to teach some after I retire or retire into a teaching job.  And what shows up? A teaching gig. It feels like God was saying, see, I know you like to teach. You can teach. The timing’s up to you.  Decide.

I’m struggling with how to pursue this – or not.  I think I needed this to help me process the life changes and choices I’m going through.  Am I really willing to “cut off” jobs at this point if “jobs” are standing in the way of my spiritual growth?  Do I want to pursue comfort and financial strongholds? Will I cling to the things I know I can do or want to do?  Or, is now the time to search for him with everything I am and have?

HERE:  On a God adventure.

For those closest to me, you know that I have been praying a lot over the last several years, “God know me, and let me know you.”  I can see that he’s been honoring that.  I’m trying to let him know my frustrations, my strengths, my desires, my weaknesses.  He knows I struggle with letting him provide my daily bread instead of trying to attain it through jobs on my own.  He is working on my behalf, doing what he promised, to make me more like Christ. I have a long way to go, but I can look back and see his progress on that front.  

From my HERE vantage point today, I can say I’m jobless… and God is glorious.  

I didn’t pray for an adventure.  I prayed for an endeavor.  

But I wonder if The Spirit prayed for an adventure for me. I believe he did.  I realize now that I’ve been starving for an adventure. With Jesus as my daily bread, he is actually the adventure I’ve been craving.  

Now I don’t wonder how I got HERE, I wonder…   

Am I God's Adventure?  

I believe I am.

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© 2019 Keith Shafer – keith.e.shafer@gmail.com